Finding a chunk of time to sit and write has been a challenge. Seems there's always a babe in my arms, someone needing mama's help, or someone else needing the computer. But tonight with all three of the littles in bed and my darling on the road home from Seoul (or somewhere in the surrounding area), I have time for some uninterrupted, organized thought.
These two months have been a time of growth in my faith and constant reflection and thoughtfulness about my method of parenting. What am I doing with these children and why am I doing it? In the latter days of pregnancy and early days with a newborn, sleep is evasive and it's so easy to lose joy and be short with toddlers who don't always obey right away or remember that loud noises (read: shrill shrieks) can be disturbing or that mama really doesn't want to rise before the sun. It's easy to be lazy and let them be entertained by movies about princesses rather than involving them in what I'm doing. But what is my purpose with these sweet girls? To teach them to love and revere God, to be helpers to their future husbands, to love and train up their own children, to share God's love with those they meet, and to be selfless servants in their community. But how can I teach them these things when I'm merely showing them the model of the grumpy mama? Sure, I could blame my grumpiness and laziness on a sleep deficit, but I'm certain the Bible doesn't say that joy comes from eight hours of good, uninterrupted sleep. Joy comes from our Creator, and from Him alone.
So I've been challenged to make it a priority daily to spend time reading my Bible and praying on my own, in addition to our family Bible times. In the last few days I've been able to notice again the sweetness in my girls instead of the selfishness that comes with toddlerhood. I've been able to notice that they still have cute little voices and their singing is precious. And underneath the sticky peanut butter or rice, they have beautiful little faces and darling smiles. They dance with such glee and they love to share (toys, books, food) with daddy and mama. JMunk is growing into a sensitive, caring little girl who really wants to be a good big sister to her little sibs and wants to please her parents. LMunk is still a baby, though I find myself expecting much of her now that WMunk is on the scene and she seems so much more grown up. She's a power house, but she's tender. She wants to take care of her little brother, but she doesn't yet realize how strong she is and that being poked in the eye and picked up by the neck don't feel so great. She's concerned when JMunk or WMunk cry, and she loves to stroke mama's face and pull close for a kiss. Clearly we're doing some things right with these girls, but I pray for joy and drive to do better. To love them better, and to teach them better.
And as for WMunk, he's still awfully sweet and snugly. The last two weeks have brought so many smiles from him and he's just starting to coo at us. It's so neat to hear his little voice and get responses from him. I pray for this boy that he seldom see the grumpy mama his sisters have seen during the last two months, but rather he see a mama full of joy and energy, showing him Christ's love daily.
In sum, I thank God for these blessings, for this time of trial, for His discipline in my life. And I thank God for restoring joy in my life.
